Boy have things changed...

Wow, I can't believe it's been three years since I last blogged.......and haven't things changed since then. Firstly, I'd like to stay that I'm not so fat anymore....yey for me! And my personal and work life have changed dramatically. Now I'm only 101.4kg and that's gone up over the past few weeks due to eating badly and not exercising. However, that's going to change again and I'll go back to normal now that I'm home.

I'm back....

It's been a long time and a lot has changed, but I want to share the journey I'm about to go on with everyone and share my experience of Weight Loss Surgery.

I lost two close friends recently which made me aware of how fagile life can be. So I've made the most healthy decision and agreed to under WLS. The surgery date has been set for the first week of May and I'm just waiting for the paperwork to come through so I can start the pre surgery diet.

Watch this space.....

Happy New Year…..here’s hoping it’s a happier one!

I could mull over past events of 2009, but there is really no point.

Moving forward there are two things that I desperately want to do……Get rid of any debt and loose some more weight!

First thing first….the debt. This is an accumulation of buying a new car, spending more than I earn and a big expensive holiday on credit cards.

Unfortunately my house was robbed at the end of last year and now I’m going through the process of dealing with the insurance claim for the stolen items. I have asked to be settled on a cash basis for the jewellery and other items as I would like to put this towards paying off the credit card debt. However, at the rate they are taking to process the claim I could be waiting a while.

Next on the agenda is to loose some weigh. This has been an ongoing battle with me for sometime now and will continue to be until the bitter end. I tend to go through stages of being really sensible with my food and then other times I go completely off the rails and eat whatever I like in whatever quantities.

So for the new year I’m going to go back to WW and start counting points, watching what I eat, when, why and so on. Plus I’m going to have to motivate myself into doing some form of exercise which is easier said than done considering I have made no allowances for gym membership, WW membership or any other form of paid exercise. However, I do have a Wii fit at home and am going to set that up so that I can use it tomorrow morning……I’ll let you know what happens!

Happy, Happy, Happy.......

I weighed in a day early yesterday and I have to admit that I was a little nervous, because I was a day early and I have over eaten my points again this week.....so I was concerned that I had sts or gained.

However once I stepped on the scales, I was over the moon as I have lost another three pounds which now puts me the 50 pounds loss category!!

It's such an exciting feeling!! But embarrassing at the same time.......because I became the centre of attention during my WW meeting.

Now, I just need to stay focused and work hard to loose the next 20 pounds before my big holiday in November!! Fingers crossed.

I'm not feeling the best......

It's amazing how you feel on a daily basis can effect the foods you eat. I have been going down a slippery little hill for the last couple of days. Needless to say I didn't loose any weight this week either because of comfort eating and just generally feeling like crap and feeling unworthy!

I blogged a little story a couple of days ago about how my best friend told me that she may not be able to come on a holiday with me at the end of the year, due her husband having issues.

I have to admit that this response did take off the shine from wanting to go on holidays, because I haven't seen her for such a very long time and it's not like I don't want to go, but the overwhelming feeling of excitement has well and truly gone and that saddens me.

The other issue I have now is that I just found out how much my boyfriend actually earns. He was being honest with me and mentioned the amount he earned whilst opening his payslip......but I just freaked out. I couldn't believe it......he hardly spends anything, I pay for petrol, takeaway foods and other little things. And to top it all off......he doesn't even buy me flowers!!!!!

I was just so shocked, because even thought I kind of knew how much he earned, he still behaves like he doesn't have much money and I think that's what annoys me the most.

So needless to say, I'm not in happy place right now and I'm trying to fight off the temptation to eat both of the cupcakes that are sitting in the kitchen....calling me lol.

However on a positive note, I went shopping yesterday to buy some new clothes and I was so over joyed when I tried on a dress that was a size 20 for goodness sake! It fitted beautifully and looks lovely on me without any alterations with is just amazing!! I was so over joyed yesterday that I found myself crying in the changing rooms and then texting those closest to me to share the moment.

This little emotional roll-a-coaster that I'm on at the moment is taking it's toll........

Not a happy camper........

I know I wasn't exactly the model WW participate, but I tried harder than the week before and all I got from it when I stepped on those scales is......I stayed the same weight. Not happy! Clearly, I just need to try harder this week and stick within my points like me life depends on it.

Changing the subject a little, I emailed a lovely lady who is also participating in a WW challenge like me. Unfortunately, I'm currently around 20 something pounds down, however this lady has reached the 50 pounds mark!! Which is just amazing!! So I thought, I would email her for some inspiration and amongst other things, this is what she said.......

I just stick to the points/calories and try to do as much exercise as possible. Sometimes that means lots (for example over Saturday and Sunday last week I walked for about 16 miles) and sometimes it means none at all! I do notice that if I exercise regularly I lose much more weight than when I do nothing. I have got myself a treadmill and I'm trying to use that for at least half an hour a day, although I don't actually succeed at that all the time. I also started off by doing the wii fit and now I have the wii EA Active, which I really like and then I also got some dumbbells and kettle bells which I use a couple of times a week too. Probably more important is that if I have a bad day or a bad few days I don't give up , which is what I've always done in the past. I'm trying to take a long term view of it rather than thinking I must lose 2lbs this week. I know that if I fail to meet targets I've set myself I then I will just give up totally. So I just try to think, in the long term what does it matter if I haven't lost this week or if I have put on a little because I know I have the tools to take it off again or to get there in the end.The other things that have helped are:

1. Keeping a daily journal. I always weigh myself everyday - I know you shouldn't but I like knowing where I am at and also I know my body weight fluctuates so again it keeps the increases I sometimes have in proportion. I also write down my exercise and my measurements in there too. I find it really inspiring to look at my measurements page and see that I have lost over 9 inches from each of my bust, waist and hips! I stick photos and motivational sayings in there and also bits of articles I read in magazines that I have found interesting or useful.

2. I also have a blog, which I don't always do regularly, but it's good to do from time to time.

3. I joined www.sparkpeople.com as it has loads of information, exercise videos etc and the people on there are lovely.

4. I joined four long term challenges which I found through the ww boards, so there is Paul's one, Size 12 for New Years Eve 2009 and then two which are done through email. I have found that the discipline of telling people how I have done on those has helped.

5. I cook an extra portion of my dinner every evening and take it to work for lunch the next day (Lunch has always been my downfall).

6. I try out new recipes and try to vary what I eat as I can sometimes get into a rut. I've also tried to make "thin" versions of all my old favourites I must say though that I haven't quite managed to find a good substitute for macaroni cheese made with loads and loads of mature cheddar and Jacket potato with butter - but I guess I can live without it!I guess for me the most important thing has been changes I've made in my head. For example the day before yesterday I decided I wanted a Chinese takeaway for the first time since I started the diet and instead of ordering my old usual favourites I looked at the menu and tried to make sensible choices and then when it arrived I ate a quarter of the amount I would have used to and that was enough.

I think I've started to get things into perspective and I hope some of that helps.


........so there you go. Some inspiration for us all!!

Yesterday went to......

pot!

I started off the day in a happy mood. Made myself a smoothie for breakfast/morning tea and I even had a bottle of lemony warm water to drink first thing in the morning. I hear it helps clear out your system.

Ate my healthy salad for lunch and I even had corn on the cob with a little butter as a treat. Later in the day, I started to feel the need for chocolate so I spoke my mind and my work friends came to my rescue reminding me that I don't need it. I even posted a message on the WW website for help to remove the temptation of wanting chocolate and the girls on-line were very supportive. In the end, I asked for a banana from a work colleague and proceeded to eat it quickly and I was obviously hungry and bored at work.

However, the problem was on the way home from work!

Even though I know better, I stopped into a cheap supermarket on the way home from work and bought myself a mini pizza worth something ridiculous like 9 points, a mini garlic bread worth another 7 1/2 points and toffee cheesecake well in excess of 10 points.

Needless to say in my binging state, I started eating the cheesecake first whilst I waited for the pizza and garlic bread to cook and proceeded to watch mindless television and drink softdrinks.

The question really is here, why would a sane person who is willingly and openly trying to loose weight do this to them selves?!?!?!

In my defence, the only answers I can think of right now is sadness, disappointment, stress and loneliness.

A few days earlier, I had asked my best friend to visit me whilst on holidays. Whilst she appears very eager she has started to express her husbands concerns about her meeting me for a holiday without him. Apparently he is he's studying and they have a trip planned for their wedding anniversary. Hence the sadness that she may not be able to come and also the disappointment that I won't be able to see her as we live so far apart.

The stress is due to an task that I had being putting off for a few days and therefore left everything to the last minute.

And the loneliness is broken down into to two parts, first being physically alone in the house at the time of eating and secondly emotional loneliness because my partner/friends don't fully understand my feelings and therefore pressuring me to suppress my emotionally feelings or to behave in a certain way.

Today is much better and I am on the mend (slowly), so lets see if I can stay on track and be focused.